Little girl

Before I begin, I just want to say ‘thank you’ to a special lady Sarita, who is an inspiration to me and all who meet her. I will never forget you as long as I live. God Bless you, Sarita.

I have been deaf from birth. I have no brothers or sisters and my parents home schooled me. Well to begin, I guess I should tell you a little about myself, I am Amy Goldthorn, 10 years old and deaf from my birth. In my story, you have to understand my relationship with my dad. He is not just a regular dad he is a best friend. A kind of person that you can tell anything and not get embarrassed. When I was little, dad carried me everywhere with him, he doctored my scrapes, comforted me when I was sick, and told me I was his baby girl every day. We would go to the park and he would push me on the swings for hours, and he would teach me how to talk with my hands. I went to school for this, but so did he. and he was better at it than me at that time.

One day he had to go out of town and was gone for 3 days. This was the longest I had ever been away from him, and I did not deal well with it. Haha when I clam up I do a good job at it. Anyway. when he returned Momma talked to him about me not talking for the last 2 days so daddy took me to our special place at the park and told me that he would not ever leave me because he loved me to much. He promised me that he would never leave me any longer than that and that it was hard for him too. Never the less he was back. so I was happy. Several years past and our bond grew even stronger than it ever had been before. We were now riding horses, camping, shopping to make things short, we just did everything together. Mom was here and she did a lot with us, but mostly it was just him and I.

Then it happened, Dad started to be out late every day, and often came home after I was asleep. He was going to school at night and working in the day. We slowly seemed to be drifting apart from one another in the few months, and he was going to truck driving school. When he did come home he was tired and I would seem to get on his nerves a lot. He even spanked me one time, and he never spanked me before but I deserved it! That’s another story though, and I’m not telling it to you. Mom started taking me to do the things we had done together like the shopping and stuff. Until the day that dad had to let his other job go and start driving the truck. Why he changed jobs is a long story too, but I wont get into that, because I don’t understand about all that much. It finally was the day that he was leaving to go over the road, but up to this point no one really told me what to expect. Daddy left and was gone for 3 months despite his promise to me. He did call from time to time but it was usually late when I was asleep so I didn’t get to talk to him much. We have a TTY phone if your wondering how I can talk on the phone. Anyway. I don’t know why I acted the way I did, but I stopped talking all together. even to mom, because I was so hurt that he left like that, after he promised he would never. I went several months to where it was just so easy to just not talk at all, in fact, I kinda felt like I forgot how. Even when dad would come home, I did not talk to him. I would spend time with him, what time we had like a day or 2, but I would never talk. and he would get upset with me. and so I got even more upset. Never upset a deaf girl hahaha! Momma finally took me to a counselor who knew sign language. She tried for some time to get me to talk. until she gave up and just would talk to me.

Anyway, after time I started to kinda like my counselor, cause she did not ask me to talk anymore, but I started to a little but oh that was a mistake, she expected it all the time then. It was hard at first and at one point I really wanted to talk. but just could not get myself to do it but finally started to. When I did start talking to her she would put words in my mouth and tell me I was feeling one way when I was not. and I was getting very upset about this. 2 years we went back and forth, back and forth. Until one day something special happened. Mom decided to let me chat in the christian chat room, where I met Sarita. She seemed to understand me and how I felt, and it was so easy to talk to her, because I could not see her and we could type to each other like we were using our mouths to talk. I started talking to her a lot and she told me many stories and never made me talk when I didn’t want to about something. She talked to me about God a lot, and how he understands what I need. But at that time I didn’t tell her, but I had been praying for a longtime for dad to come home and stay home, because I just knew he left cause of me, and liked his work more than he did me. I even at one point decided God was not listening to me, and I was getting mad at him too. Sarita changed all that and we prayed together, and she talked to my mom a lot about stuff. Yes, Sarita, I’m gonna tell about me sneaking out of bed hahaha. Sarita likes to tell that story for some reason. Sarita helped me when I got in trouble at gymnastics, cause I pushed a girl, and also when I tried to hit my mom. I won't try to hit mom ever again, I can promise you that! Anyway, Sarita helped me to understand things and even helped my mom too. I don’t know what all they talked about, but Sarita saved some of our conversations and sent them to my mom..

Ok, I'm gonna shorten this now, cause my fingers are starting to hurt.. Mom read the stuff Sarita sent to her to my dad, and he said he was coming home, and he did. It took him 2 days but he came, and he held me for a longtime, and he told me he was sorry and that he loved me and he held me again and again and I started to talk to him and we talked and we talked, and I told him how I felt, and he said he did not know that was why I was having all the problems. He said he knew that was some of it, but did not realize just how much. And again he said he was sorry, and I did to. He even cried, and I never had seen him do that before. He was gonna quit, but after a few days mom and him decided not to quit yet, but to take me with him and do my school on the truck, and we did. It was the best time of my life, cause it was just me and him. I don’t see the counselor anymore, and I talk a lot again. I don’t have accidents at night near like I did, and I think I’m almost over that for good almost. Well, that is the short version of my story, but it should be enough for who ever reads it to know, that there is a moral!!!! God does answer prayers, but he does them in his own time, when he knows it to be best, and he knows what you need all the time, and always where you are. God answered my prayers through Sarita, who is my best friend now in the #adventist chat room. I hope I get to meet her and stay the summer with her sometime.

The end.

Wow, where do I begin? Well let me describe the inside of the truck. Its not very big but has bunk beds, the law says you cannot sleep on the top bunk while the truck is moving which is not a problem for me because I wont sleep up there anyways! It’s a big drop to the floor if you rolled over in your sleep. There is no rails to stop you. I like sleeping with my dad anyways. The bottom bunk is much bigger and sleeps 2 very nicely.

There are shelves on the right and left for clothes and stuff haha I have more than my dad does J There is a TV and a refrigerator and that’s about it. Then you take 1 step and you have the drivers seat and passenger seat next to you. When I wake up we are usually at a truck stop and dad always buys me anything I want for breakfast, I think if I am not careful I am going to get fat from all the food I eat Ha. Then we take showers at the truck stops. Dad always gets me my own shower room I Think he is trying to make me feel grown up or something but I don’t mind I like having my own. After I finish with my shower I have to wait for him to slide a piece of paper under the door that say’s “” you’re my umby umby pumpkin”” then I know it is ok to unlock the door and come out. Dad says there are bad people around those places so I have to stay in the shower room till he gets me. Then we go back to the truck and off we go. We usually drive for about 4 hours before we stop for a small break, I am usually ready for one at that time J 15 minutes or so is all we stop for then we drive again for about the same up to 11 hours. He is only allowed to drive for 11 hrs in a day. I usually climb in the back and make us sandwiches and I always take a byte out of his sandwich before I give it to him hahaha. The rest of the time I usually just read a book or lay in the back and watch Veggie Tales. Our TV has caption on it so I can see what they are saying J. Then at the end of the day my dad teaches me school for 2 hours L and then we go to bed. My dad is the greatest, he always rubs my back until I fall asleep. That’s really about all there is to it but we have fun J because we have each other and he loves me. Oh, I almost forgot the most important thing. In the morning when we get up we sit and say our prayers in sign language together, that is a very special time for me for 2 reasons, 1 because we are talking to Jesus and that is always special to me and 2 because my dad always says ” And most of all Jesus, thank you for your greatest gift of all to me, my little Amy” That makes me cry sometimes…

Just so everyone understands, I will tell you first that I used to be able to ride with my dad in his 18 wheel truck for weeks before we would come home. One night we stopped at a truck stop, and this was a very big one, and there were so many trucks parked there, many many of them . We went inside the restaurant and ate dinner together, and we then took showers, and went back to the truck to go to bed We said our prayers like we always do, then we went to bed. There are two beds, one on top and one on the bottom, but I don't like to sleep on the top one, because I am afraid I will fall off, so I just sleep with my Dad. After we went to bed, I woke up and Daddy was not beside me or even in the truck, so I got up and looked out the windows, and he was not there either. I climbed out of the truck and look outside, and I think he went inside , so I went to go find him, but I got lost, because all the trucks there made it hard to find anything, and I lost where I was. I saw a man walk towards me and try to talk to me but I ran because I was scared of him, and I found a big light pole and ran under that, and screamed for my Daddy, and he found me. Daddy was walking back to the truck and saw me, and I was so happy, but I could not breathe, because I was scared too. He was very upset with me for leaving the truck, but I had to find him. Yes I did. When I was under the big light pole, I asked Jesus to find him for me, and there he was after, I screamed very loud. I think now I will always stay in the truck now, if I get to go again.

Well to tell the story right I need to start from the beginning. Not so long ago I was walking in our pasture very confused and feeling alone.

I walked up to a large tree, sat down and began to pray. I always feel much better after I have spoken to Jesus. When I was finished I felt so much better. I looked around and realized this was the biggest tree in the pasture. I was sure it must be God’s favorite tree because it was so big.

I then went home and I could not get the tree out of my head. Then I knew what I must do. I emptied a coffee can that I keep all of my money in and went back to the tree with a small shovel from the barn. I dug a whole big enough for the can under the tree and decided this was my secrete place to tell no one about that I will come to speak to God & Jesus. Very often I would go to my tree and sign my prayers to Jesus and then sit and write them on paper to bury in the can. I must have been doing this for a very long time because I ended up with 3 cans full of prayers that I could go and read anytime I wanted and see what prayers were answered. I think most of them if not all of them were answered. Count your blessings name them 1 by 1, count your blessings see what God has done.

Sarita, my best friend in #adventist has many payers that I prayed for her in the cans and many others that I have met on chat room. I have since moved from that place but think about it very often. I know have a new tree but it is very small a baby tree. I don't sit at that one like I did the old one in the pasture but it reminds me of my favorite times there talking to Jesus. Everyone needs a special place I think. My name is Amy and I am deaf but no handicap holds me from talking to the one I love and hold most dear to me and that Jesus Christ my Savior!

Sarita has asked me to write this story but I think I will add something more that I have not share with her or anyone else. There is something inside of me that tells me when Jesus is here beside me, when I pray I feel his comfort and understanding. Even though I do not see him I know he is there. One way I know to explain it is when I am sleeping in my Daddy’s bed and I am facing the other way I still know he is there beside me even though I do not see him. I just know he is there because he is my Daddy.

Jesus is also my Father in heaven and if we pay close attention and close off all the distractions in the world and open your heart to him, you will know he is there. Yes, you will surely know without a doubt.

Sarita wants me to tell you, about when I went with daddy to go hunting. I begged him to go for a longtime, and he finally told me 'yes', and I was so excited to go. We went and made a tent, had food over a fire, so everything was just as I imagined it to be. He woke me up when it was still dark in the morning, and we walked in the woods for a longtime with nothing but a flashlight. I don't know how he knew where to go, but he did. We came to an open space, and he told me now we have to sit very quietly and watch. He had a big gun with him, but I was not ready for the next thing that happened. Two deer came out, and they were girl deers, because they did not have any horns. I watched them for 10 minutes as they eat and play, then they ran away and another one came. It was the boy, because he had horns on his head. I was excited to see him, but did not realize my dad was going to shoot it. I just saw him fall and all the blood it made. When we walked up to it, I could not breath and my dad had to take me away, so I could not see and work with me on breathing. I almost past out. I don't ever want to go again on any hunt. I learned something from that, and that is sometimes it is not so good to want something so bad that you ignore when you are told it is not a good idea. My mom told me I should not go, but my dad said it was up to me and I said yes.

Ok, I want to say one more thing. Jesus hears my prayers, and I feel him near me when I pray, even if I have total silence in my life. I have the gift of knowing things sometimes like when people are near. Sometimes I can tell even if I don't see them. When Sarita told me to pray about her, I prayed then and I could feel Jesus there listening to me. I told him I knew he was there and asked to please do this for me to help her. I do feel he is going to, but he does it in his own time. Yes, I do believe this with all of my heart. I will pray for her everyday, and for you to be strong also, but you must do one thing for me and that is to keep your faith in Jesus. Faith is everything, and you must not loose it