The author of this story is Sarita^^, an operator on DALnet #adventist chat.
Autism Symptoms
* Difficulty in communication.
* Inability to start or sustain a conversation.
* Language development is slow or not at all.
* The use of nonsense rhyming.
* Communication by way of gestures instead of words.
* Short attention span.
* Heightened or decreased senses of sight, hearing, touch, smell, or taste.
* Either overactive or very passive.
* A beam of hope
10% of autistic people are known to be autistic savants or geniuses. This is demonstrated by Dustin Hoffman in the movie “Rain Man” — an autistic person with an incredible calculation ability. This minority may grow to become the geniuses of their time, given the proper care and education.
Part I
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Journey with Autism
June 17, 2004
Brandy was born after her parents had been married for many years, and they had believed that they would never have a child, but Brandy was born when her mother was 40 years old, and Brandy's father died when he was in a coal mining accident when Brandy was only 2 years old, so Brandy has no real memory of her father, and she wishes that she did. Brandy did not speak until she was 9 years old. No one really knew what Brandy was thinking, because she did not talk, but in Brandy's own mind, she wanted some numbers, and she knew of no way to get them, but to make up her own numbers at the age of 6 or 7. Her number one is a backward C, two is like a C, three is like our division sign, a small line with a dot over and under. four = /, and 5 is like a \ ,and six is like an S, and 7 is a equal -lateral triangle, and 8 is a right triangle, and 9 is a A, and zero is 0. And this is how Brandy did her mathematics, and she became very, very good at it. Brandy can multiply large numbers in her head, and she can do square roots too, with no help. But now, Brandy has a teacher, and her teacher is trying to train her to use real numbers like we do, instead of her own, as you can see here. Her teacher now believes that she can learn out numbers by the end of this year. But today, she does not understand 16, though she does understand "sixteen". In her numbers, there would be a backward "C "and an "S".
When Brandy was only seven, and not even speaking or reading, her mother took her to a religious book store, and upon a shelf, Brandy found a black leather zippered bible and she wanted that. Her mother put it back upon the shelf, thinking that a child that can not read, does not need a bible like that, but when the mother would put this bible upon the shelf, Brandy would pull it right back down from the shelf and hold on to it tightly. No , Brandy was not going to give this bible up and she was not going to leave without it, so the Mother had to buy this bible, and they took it home, but Brandy holding it tightly in her arms. They ate supper that evening, and Brandy still was holding on to that bible, and she was still holding on to it when her mother told her that she must go to bed. But then Brandy's mother told her that it was time to take a
bath. No, no, Brandy did not want a bath for she was not going to let go of that bible. The mother saw that there was no way to change Brandy's mind about laying this bible down for just a little while so she could take a bath, so finally the mother wrapped this black leather bible in plastic very carefully, and Brandy took that bible into the bath tub with her, and though now 7 years has passed since then, Brandy always has this bible with her, and she wears it in a pouch strapped around her waist, and she keeps that bible as close to her as possible. Brandy is never without that bible, and she at first believed that Jesus was inside there, and this is why she would not give it up. Brandy was never more than one inch away from that bible, and she began to tuck it inside the waistband of her pants when they were walking in the stores... so Mom bought her a small handbag with a strap to carry it in. Then mother bought a weather proof bag for that bible, and mom was always looking for ways to make things better and easier and to protect that bible. She has a nice bag for that bible now and she takes it everywhere still...she has another one she reads. but she says Jesus is in the first one and she keeps it close to her. When Brandy's mother's father died, they moved in with Brandy's Grandmother.
Finally, Brandy was 9 years old, and still she was not speaking. Then one day when Brandy's mom was watching television, she heard what sounded like a voice, but she knew that only she and Brandy were inside of the house. The mother followed the noise to Brandy' room, and she found Brandy there, sitting on the floor, and Mother looked around the corner I saw her sitting on the floor...talking to the bible...she was saying. I love you Jesus, I will always love you...over and over... Brandy's mother did not recognize the voice and she was at once a bit alarmed as to who may have found their way into the house... and had never heard her speak... had no idea that she even could... her mother had to leave... she cried for an hour..
Communication with others
Not all children with autism exhibit the same symptoms. Brandy does not like to make eye contact with people or with animals, and it makes her uncomfortable, and she does not like to be touched, and that is another symptom. Her doctor has found that when he puts paper over Brandy's arm, she can allow him to take her pulse. Brandy does not like noise, and she has sensitivity to it. Communications with people has been one of Brandy's biggest problems, and she does not start talking to someone easily, and Brandy does have a compulsion to repeat words that she hears. And I can give an illustration of this. Brandy was out on the lawn in front of her house when a little boy rode by on a bicycle, and his bicycle fell against the curb ,and he broke his arm, and he was hurt badly. Brandy just stood there and did nothing. Finally a woman came along and saw this little badly hurt boy, and took him to his mother. His mother was very very angry with Brandy for seeing what had happened and yet she did nothing. This little boy's mother did not know that Brandy was autistic, and had no idea why she was silent and yet saw the accident, and she was very very angry. She was saying that she had no idea about a person who would watch her little son get his arm broken and not say anything about it. This is just an example of the pain that autism can cause. Of course, Brandy was hurt by this accusation, needless to say. Brandy's mother did not like the hard feelings against Brandy, and she took her over to meet this angry neighbor, and Brandy's mother did explain. Fortunately, this little boy's mother did accept the explanation of autism, but not all people do, and perhaps the pain that others cause by their lack of understanding of autism can be worse than any pain that autism alone ever caused. The little boy's mother even did bake some cookies for Brandy, and even today, in my heart, I can feel her kindness, that I feel has reached out, even to me, and I was not even there, and I am writing this months after this happened.
Brandy and the Internet
Brandy's mother visited the christian chat room on the internet in February of 2004, just after Brandy turned 14 years old in January of this same year, and she asked if possibly Brandy might visit our room, explaining about Brandy's autism. Brandy does have a compulsion to repeat words that she hears. Brandy has been to the same church since she was just a baby, and for the first nine years of her life, she did not speak, but when she did start speaking, she started to repeat what she has heard. When the pastor preaches, Brandy repeats after him, and this can be some disturbance, and sometimes Brandy is taken from where the preacher is preaching to another room, where her Grandmother may read to her. It is easier for Brandy to attend a church where she has grown up, and where people know her, and understand the problems that do exist. Brandy says her pastor is good natured, and once he said that people get to hear his sermons two times, once from him, and once from Brandy.
I have been told that when the pastor comes down from his platform and moves closer to the congregation, Brandy will stop repeating. Just why this happens no one knows. I really had no personal experience with autism, and I had to learn. Brandy's mother told me a few things, but Brandy has told me most of it. Brandy says that the repeating is a compulsion that she can not help. Once Brandy was given a prescription for Paxil (It is a tranquilizer), and this did help to stop the repeating, but Brandy was waking up at night screaming from having terrible dreams. Brandy has found repeating of words to be a handicap to her, and she would really like to stop it, but so far she has not been able to quit. Some people have made fun of her, and some have treated her in a very cruel manner, and it has been a very deep hurt to her, and she wishes so much that she could just stop repeating, and she has even considered taking Paxil again, and she said that she might have nightmares again, but she knows that they are not real, so maybe she could do it once more. If she took Paxil, it would be to help the other people, and not her. As I said before, often the lack of understanding from others is far worse than autisms itself. I have always believed that God is the real answer to our problems, so I was willing to get to know Brandy. And I do want to say that I have been blessed since that day that I met her. The repeating of words, means little or nothing to me, in fact, I have learned to like it. I have learned that if we really do love someone, we will learn to like their little peculiar ways, and we will miss these little ways if they are gone.
The christian chat room is a room that may have about 40 people in it, and I never know who will be there, and not all of them are Christian, and not all can be trusted with the tender feelings of a child, so I had another private room for Brandy to go to if she wanted. In that room was my friend from Turkey - morningrise, that I have known for 4 or 5 years. He is 25 years old, and my very dear little friend Amy is 11 and completely deaf, but she does so well on the Internet, because she knows no handicap there, and she can type like a pro. Amy found her way to the internet over a year ago when she was searching for someone to pray for her father to come home, for he had gone away, and she did not even know why. Amy found me one day, and we began to pray for her father to come home again, and I will not tell this story here, but our prayers were all answered in a mighty way, and Amy is a little girl of a great faith in Jesus Christ, and she is here to tell the world of him. So this is how Brandy's relationship with me, Amy, and morningrise began. It just happened that way, and the bonds of love and respect began to grow and grow. Today, we are like a family, and when Amy cries, Brandy's heart is broken too. In real life it is really hard for an autistic to make friends, for all of the reasons I have mentioned before. On the internet, things are different, for Brandy does not have to contend with the peering eyes that she sees in real life. We all look like computer screens to her, and we are much easier to talk to and to reason with. Brandy's mother sits beside her has she types to the internet, and Brandy repeats out loud what ever she types, so Mom does know what is being said, and Mom does have access to the transcripts of all conversations if she wants. God has really blessed Brandy with the right Mom, one with a great love and great patience for a child. Both Brandy and Amy have the gift of poetry, and they do share it with each other and with me and with morningrise. Every time we get a new poem, it is just like a new gift, and we are elated, for we have been blessed. Both Brandy and Amy have their minds on Christ, and you will never have to be near either one of them for long, before you find that out. If you have no faith, either of them will share theirs, without hesitation. These two girls surely do belong together, and both of them live in different parts of the USA.
Some people wonder why an autistic child would want to come to the internet, and I do want to speak about this. In real life, Brandy has had not a lot of opportunity to communicate, but on the internet she can say all that she pleases. Brandy finds a great joy in being able to share Jesus Christ on the internet, as many of us do. Brandy has a great story to tell about what Jesus has done in her life, and her testimony is one not easily forgotten. Remember this story the next time that you see a child that is not able to speak, when you question if he or she needs to be told the story of Jesus and his great love. Remember how Brandy never wanted to depart from Jesus and his Word, both literally and figuratively. Brandy held on tightly as she could. I wish to always cling to Jesus, too, as long as I live. I find it no wonder that Jesus often spoke in parables, so that we might get the depth of all of the meaning.
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Brandy in the Police Station
When Brandy was eight years old, and unable to speak, her mother took her to the mall with her so that she might have her eyes tested for new eye glasses. It was early in the day when they got there and there were not very many people, and that was good because Brandy does not like crowds. It took a while for Mother to get her eyes tested, and when they came out of the eye place there were more people. Brandy tried to stay very close to Mom like she always does, but there were so many people and they were bumping into her, and she did not like that, but she tried to stay close to Mom, but some people bumped her a lot, and she lost Mom in the crowd. People were bumping into Brandy, and she could not stand that, and she could not see Mom, but she looked for her, until she had to get away from all of those people, and she ran until she was outside where there were not very many people. Brandy walked around looking for Mom, but she could not find her, and when people asked her something she could not answer them, and finally someone called the police and they came.
The police asked Brandy questions, but she could not answer them, so they thought they should take Brandy to the police station, and they touched her arms to get her into the car, and she did not like that, but they made her get in anyway. Brandy really does not like to be touched. When they got to the police station they wanted Brandy to get out of the car, but she would not. so they touched her again to get her out, and she did not like that, but they made her get out anyway. Inside the police station other police asked Brandy questions, and could not answer them, and when she was looking at them in a strange way they thought I was under the influence of drugs, and someone decided they should look inside my pouch because there may have been drugs in there. This is the pouch that carried Brandy's black leather zippered bible. They wanted Brandy's pouch, but she would not give it to them, and they tried to trade her things for it, but she would not part with it. and finally one of them thought he would just take it away from her. Mom got there a few minutes later, but Brandy had broken three windows with a chair, and four police sustained minor injuries and she still had her pouch. Yes. She still had her pouch.
Mom was angry and while she was talking to the police, but they all got quiet, when Brandy got to her knees and took her zipper Bible out of its pouch and began to pray. They did not understand that Brandy did things in extremes, and while they thought it would be easy to take her pouch, she was defending it with all her energy and strength, yes, with all her energy and strength. At that time Brandy thought Jesus was in that book, and she was not going to part with Him for anything!
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Part II
Brandy's Father
The miner
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When I first met Brandy on the internet in February of 2004, she told me that her father was dead, and that he had died when she was only 2 years old, and she said that she had no brothers or sisters, and I just took this for granted, but soon Brandy was telling me that she was working in the coal mines with her father, and then I did not know what to think. Then Brandy went on to tell me that she often goes to the coal mines with her father, and that he gets so dirty in his work. So then I asked Brandy, "where is your father"? Then Brandy said, "He is in the graveyard molding. Molding like bread". This let me know that she knew that he was really dead, but what about Brandy telling me that she was going to work in the coal mines? Her father did used to work in the coal mines when he was living. But what about now? Why talk about him now? The fact seems to be that Brandy would drift off in a trance like state, and day- dream of her father, for she had so much wanted to see him and to be with him and to find out from him. Brandy's mother knew that she was going into this state, but she had no idea where Brandy was going, and it was not until Brandy came on the internet and told me, that Brandy's mother knew what was happening. This is somewhat serious for Brandy's analyst has stated that a person can go into a trance like state, and maybe they will stay there for months, and this can be dangerous to the person. When I talked to Brandy later, this is what she had to say to me, "In my mind I go to the mines, because that was the last place my Dad was and working in the mines is the only thing I know he did and going there to be with him is almost all I have of him other than what Mom has told me, a grave and a few photographs. Yes. A grave and a few photographs ". Brandy wishes that she just had a chance to know her father. She calls her mother the "sustainer of her life". I asked Brandy if she day dreamed of her Dad, and she said she supposed that we could call it that. She says that her father died in an accident near the mines. "I have prayed about going to the mines with Dad and the feeling I got was that it was no different from someone sitting and thinking about someone who had died as long as I do not let it become more important to me than My Lord. No. Do not let it become more important to me than my Lord." This is what Brandy says, "I have prayed about going to the mines with Dad and the feeling I got was that it was no different from someone sitting and thinking about someone who had died, as long as I do not let it become more important to me than My Lord. No. Do not let it become more important to me than my Lord . Wanting to be with dad is not wrong. No. Is not wrong . But I know one day I will be with him. Yes. I will be with him. Mom has asked me about the mines many times since she found out about them. Yes. Asked me many times." Brandy says, When I was young I would pray with my head bowed partly because most other people did but after I was born again I realized how much God loved me and that He had forgiven my sins so now I pray with my face upward because I am not ashamed for Him to see me now. No. I am not ashamed for Him to see me now." Brandy said that she was converted at the age of 12, and that when she was converted, her lying stopped. It is very hard for me to imagine Brandy lying, but Brandy said that she used to do that all of the time.. Brandy says that she did not speak until she was 9, but even then she started out lying..
Here is Brandy's own account. "I lied about everything. Yes. Everything. Anything I was asked I would lie about it. Yes. Lie about it. I did, and they were beginning to think it was a compulsion. Yes. A compulsion "When Brandy types or speaks, she repeats herself, as is shown here. I asked Brandy if her Mom knew that she lied, and she said that every thing that she said was a lie, and "Even though Mom and Grandma were Christian, and even though I carried my zipper Bible, Satan was in me and it showed. Yes. it showed" Brandy is pretty rough on herself, and does not hide her faults. This makes me feel so thankful that Brandy has had Christian parents and grand parents to show her the way. It has been a real reward with blessings for this family. They would not have wanted to take this trip with Autism without Jesus, and he has been at their side all the way, and there have been storm clouds along the way. Brandy's mother said it took Brandy only a few minutes to write this poem in honor of her Coal Miner father, and when Brandy's mother read this poem she wept. Brandy's father died in an accident near the coal mine when she was only two years old.
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Part III
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Internet
' Into every life some rain must fall '
When Brandy first came to the Internet this year, she found that the only way that one would recognize her as having a disability was by the way she types and repeats part of a sentence. Repeating is a symptom of autism. All autistics do not have this problem, only some of them. When people see the repeating on the internet, some of them become very unkind, and very cruel. Brandy constantly wishes that she did not have this compulsion. At one time the doctor did give her Paxil, but she found that she would have night mares and wake up screaming, so this was discontinued. Recently, as people criticized her and mocked her for repeating, she told me that she wonders about taking Paxil again, for she said that when she had a nightmare, she knew that it was only a nightmare. I raise tiny Chihuahua dogs, and I have noticed that one one dog seems to have a problem, the other dogs recognize this, and they attack the weaker one, without any provocation at all. I think of it as the "survival of the fittest". I do not like to think of people behaving like this, but they will if they are permitted. Most of it is done in ignorance, but not all. One day, Brandy came to the internet chat room before I did, and I was not present when she got there, and she noticed that someone had posted some bad words there, but it seemed that the operators did not see it, and she felt that she needed to show them what they were missing, so she copy/pasted the words there in the chat room. This time, a bot (software program) caught the word usage and " kicked and banned" Brandy, and she was simply horrified at being kicked out of the chat room, so she went to her safe little room, and I was there, and she was trying to tell me what had happened to her. In the room, was a friend of mine who had his "script" turned on, and this script "kicked and banned" Brandy again, and she was doubly horrified. Brandy turned off her computer, and in a fit, she wiped all of her poetry and information off of her computer, and then she seemed to go into a trance where she could not see or hear anything. She was just a lifeless girl sitting there, and she was taken to the hospital. This was the first time that she was ever taken to the hospital in a trance like state, and her analyst flew in from another state to be with her and to communicate with family and doctors about this problem. Scans of Brandy's brain were made, and Brandy stayed in this state, not communicating for a total of 30 hours. It was then we all questioned about the use of the internet. Can it possibly be worth it? Can more be lost than can be gained?
After Brandy came back from her trance like state, her analyst said that she used the internet to find out what had happened to her, for she had no memory of the lost 30 hours, and her analyst said that this is something unheard of by her. But Brandy wanted to come back to the internet and she did, and things went well for a good long time, and Brandy continued to write wonderful poetry, and we all enjoyed the days that followed.
But then one day, people seemed to want to assault Brandy for her repeating of words at the end of a sentence. Brandy would try to explain that she was autistic, and she went to a Christian chat room where the woman operator to her that she was just a liar, and this hurt. My friend tried to go to talk to this woman and he was abused by her to verbally. Then I went to talk to her, surely she would listen to me, but she did not and I was verbally abused as well. Actually, I am glad that this happened to me, for I can see just how much it hurts, when I want to do the right thing, and people tell me that I am just a liar. Yes, I was shocked and hurt. But I am very thankful for this, because this has given me impetus to write about autism and Asberger's syndrome, and I feel that I must make a plea for those who do have autism and Asberger's syndrome. My plea is for understanding and for more research into autism. I also want to share the joy that I have had just knowing Brandy with all who care and are interested. My writings are my memorial to Brandy and all others who share this disability. I believe that more problems are caused by the lack of understanding from people, than from the disability itself. This is just my viewpoint, from my own experience with autism, and my experience is somewhat limited. Then after this run-in with this woman from the christan channel, one named" Funky-Chicken" came to the chat, and he too, decided to call Brandy a liar, when she tried to apologize for her repeating. Some one joked and said that she spoke words in "sandwiches". This day, it was just too much for Brandy, and she decided to quit the internet, for she just could not take the verbal abuse anymore, and she left the chat. Of course, I was dismayed, but if Brandy can not take all of the insults, and if I can not prevent these human attacks against her, what else could she do. The pain was just greater than she could bear. So Brandy sat at home and went silent, and there was no communication from her. Then a man from her church came to the internet and found me, and he observed the chat room for a while, and then he came to talk to me, and he told me how Brandy was faring at home, and she was not doing well. He asked if she could come back to the chat room, and I had to say "Of course", for I had learned to really care about Brandy and her tender feelings. I knew just how much she wanted to do the right thing, and just how much she would love to communicate with people, and it was surely a lot of fun for a while, but it seems that no matter what we do, "into every life some rain must fall." The rain may fall on Brandy, but I was going to be with her, even if some rain fell on me too.
Here is what Brandy said to me when she had decided to leave the internet:
"
<Hiccup`>" #christian:Banned. Hiccup`> #amy10:Banned." Brandy means that she is banned from both places. I was not actually present with her, but I could feel the pain.
<Hiccup`> I like you. Yes. I like you., My brain says I do not belong. No. Do not belong. I do not belong in chat. No. I do not belong in chat. I am not wanted there. No. Not wanted there. Feel bad deep inside. Yes. Deep inside I am not nice. No. Not nice.
My heart was heavy, and I felt all of the pain of Brandy, and I told her how much I cared for her and I posted this verse." 'Psalms:18:2: The LORD is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in whom I will trust; my buckler, and the horn of my salvation, and my high tower". I prayed 'Dear Jesus, Forgive us of all of our sin, and we do love you. Calm Hiccups aching heart, and let her feel your love. Please, Jesus wrap your loving arms around Brandy and let her know that you care, and that I do care. Amen"
Then Brandy (Hiccup) followed me in prayer.
[21:03] <Hiccup`> Our Father which art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name.
[21:03] <Hiccup`> M't:6:10: Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven.
[21:03] <Hiccup`> M't:6:11: Give us this day our daily bread.
[21:03] <Hiccup`> M't:6:12: And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.
[21:03] <Hiccup`> M't:6:13: And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil: For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever. Amen.
[21:03] <Sarita^^> Amen
[21:03] <Sarita^^> you got that right, Hiccup
[21:04] <Hiccup`> Deliver me from evil. Yes. From evil. Amen.
[21:04] <Sarita^^> yes
[21:04] <Sarita^^> We call on Jesus and he will deliver us from all evil
[21:06] <Hiccup`> I do not mean to cause trouble. No. I do not mean to cause trouble.
[21:08] <Hiccup`> I am very tired now so I must rest. Yes. Must rest now.
[21:08] <Hiccup`> Must rest. Yes. Must rest.
[21:10] <Hiccup`> Yes. I am very tired now. Yes. Very tired.
21:10] <Hiccup`> I like you. Yes. I like you.
So this is how that day ended. Wed Mar 03 21:20:39 2004
Brandy comes back to the internet
On the day that Brandy came back to the internet, I told her that our little friend Amy, age 11, had been praying for her, and her heart was broken that others have not been kind. But Brandy spoke up and said: " God , He has given me new strength. Yes. New strength!". I can never be hurt like that again. No. Never again! " I will face the evil ones as a warrior with weapons of kindness, understanding and love. Yes. Kindness, understanding and love." Oh, Brandy was speaking new words, and they were not word of defeat, they were words of victory, a victory that God gave to her. Where else but to the Lord, could she go, in her time of sorrow and great need? Where could she go but to the Lord? My heart that had been feeling so heavy was now excited.
Part IV
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The Final Chapter
When I
started to write the story, I had no idea just how long it would be. Would
it be the size of a magazine article, or would it be the size of a
book? I really had no idea at all, and I was going to write as long as I
had a story to tell and a burden on my heart , but now it seems that this story
is coming to an end. Brandy told me one day in August
that she had news for me, and Brandy said that "My analyst called Mom yesterday.
Yes. Called Mom yesterday. "She said I am showing positive symptoms
of my chatting becoming obsessive. Yes. Positive symptoms. Symptoms. Get it
right Brandy. symptoms." And I said, "how is this, Brandy? Does she
think that you should quit chat?" " I am chatting at nearly the same time each
day. Yes. Nearly the same time each day." And I answered and said, "yes, but you
have to in order to find the people there, your mother will not let you
come to the internet when she is not at home, so that is NO
mystery. Your mother is the one who determines that, and NOT
you."
Brandy said, "On the days we go to Church
and I do not chat Mom has been noticing I have been getting restless as the time
to chat passes. Yes. Getting restless. She asked me how I was feeling when
I was not here to chat. Yes. She asked me. I want to be here because I really
want to be here, and not because some part of me has decided it has to be
here. Yes. I want to be here because I want to be
here. And I said to Brandy, " I believe
you. When you sat at home, you had NO call to witness for Christ, and now
I feel that he has called you out, and he has caused you to stand,
when you had no strength of your own , you were not able to fight at all, you
would be verbally abused, and you were ready to go and hide from the
world. You were just so very hurt and wounded inside. Now, you
can be a Warrior for Christ and stand with the strongest of men, and you know
that, for you have faced that in the
battle. Brandy said to me, "My Lord has given me
the strength to stand in the face of Satan and I like to chat with you and the
others, but I now confess that I have been feeling the same kind of urges
about chat that I feel when I bury insects, maybe not as strong, but I have been
feeling them just the same. Yes, Just the same." And I asked Brandy to
tell me about that, for i do want to know just how you feel when you do bury an
insect.. "If I see one and walk by and not bury it, then I feel like my
breath has been taken away and I get all tight inside and I can not walk away
anymore and I have to turn back and I have to bury it and then I feel well
again. Yes. Then I feel well again." "Okay, I can understand, I told
Brandy" Brandy said, " I want to chat because I want to chat and not
because part of me says I must chat. Yes. Says I must
chat". Brandy does have her words of wisdom
God has blessed her with them "You come because you have a
kind heart and a love for people, if you had to come it would not be the same
for you or those around you. No. Wouldn't be the same. This is
true.
Brandy then said, "My analyst says we
have options. Yes. Options. The option that is sure to break the
cycle that is leading me into an obsession about chat is to stay off the chat
for three or four months and in a way 'cleanse' me of it. Yes. 'Cleanse' me of
it." Brandy went on to say, "I am not harmed by my witness for Jesus but
I could be harmed by the thing that has made me like I am. Yes. The thing that
was made me like I am. Some people who know me have read a little about my
autism and they feel my love for Jesus is just an obsession already, especially
since I do carry my zipper Bible all of the time. Yes. All of the time."
"It is not an obsession, but I really do love him, and I do know the
difference."
I told Brandy to talk this over with her mom, for I
believe that it is her Mom, who loves her the most, and who will suffer the most
if things go wrong. Whatever Mom says, we will do, for God has told us to
honor our parents, so that long will be our days upon the earth. So it has
been decided that Brandy will leave the internet for a space of time, to clear
any obsession of the internet. We all agree that we want to do what is
best for Brandy. Brandy is like a dear, sweet little bird
that flew into my life one day, and now I must let her go free, if she loves us
all enough, she will return one day. I am just so certain that God
will take good care of her, and she has been a blessing to us, and we will miss
her , but we will be thankful for all of the days that she has shared with us
all, especially amy, morningrise and thunders, who has prepared her web
pages.
Brandy said when she left: "I am different Sarita, and I am
subject to things that most people are not. No. Are not. I know
this. Yes. I know this."
There is more to say about Brandy, but I will wait till Sarita send me her writings.
We are daily on #adventist chat room on DALnet.